That Smelly F-Turd

There are many kinds of silly people or in other words retards and they are not all negative and useless. Only God knows how many hours I have spent on youtube watching and laughing at ill advised idiotic actions that resulted in EPIC FACEPLANTS (seriously youtube it, it will bring joy to you). Unfortunately there are a high percentage of retards that makes my life very uncomfortable, and frustrating. This is a story of a smelly little kid who happens to be an absolutely idiot (or perhaps he is smelly because he is too stupid to take a shower).

You might already know that I currently work at the airport and because of this fantastic thing call the Olympics I am stuck working a job that quite frankly a monkey or a sign can do. In a nut shell I supervise baggage handlers to handle oversized bags including Olympics equipments. You are likely thinking to yourself “well, what did you expect they are baggage handlers!” You may be right, generally speaking these folks are not the brightest bunch but I wouldn’t call them idiotic or retarded, its more of the nature of the work. In fact, there was this one guy who hacked through airport terminal’s firmware and layers of network security and programs only to get internet and surf the web. Trust me on this, that is impressive and a skill far beyond probably 80% of the IT guys working in the airport (Props to Thibaut for the story). To give you a little more background, during the first week of my duties, my entire department received an email to encourage us to keep a closer watch on the baggage handlers because one of them got a wheelchair and started “stunning” in it while passengers from all over the world, including athletes are walking by. I did not witness this and I didn’t realize how lucky I was to not be working with him. My luck ran out by the 3rd week.

By the 3rd week, I was redeployed to the area where this young man was working. Which happens to be International Arrival – Customs Hall. This area is where all the non-Canadian flights come in. When I brought up the issue to the group asking who it was, he jumped at the opportunity and took the credit for it. He voiced his complains and explained he does not see the harm in such actions. I laughed, at this point he was silly retarded, and very laughable. I continued to work with him throughout the next 2 weeks and have kept a list of things he has done only because I was intrigued at how senseless this guy can be (by the way I have no idea what his name is, I refer to him either by F-Turd or the smelly kid. Obviously, not to his face, what do you think I am? Some kind of monster!? Shame on you…I just do it behind his back with other handlers and we laugh). When I supervised, I kept everything casual, they do their job and when a customer complains I will step in and try to resolve it by deflecting the problems to either airlines or VanOCs (fucken VanOCs!). I am a great manager like that. As a result, most of the handlers are fairly friendly and comfortable with me and they tend to act as themselves. So the F-Turd started with small, little remarks and actions that I didn’t care for then soon, it all started.

The following happened between Feb 8th and Feb 19th (what can I say, 24 is a good show): We had special metal carts all lined up ready to be use to stack skis and bags. When the F-Turd got bored, he jumped on the carts with his heavy steel toe boots making a loud bang and started rocking back and forth smashing into the carts next to the one he is on making an obscene amount of noise. I was slightly irritated but I played it cool, and let it slide. When he got bored with that, he started kicking the podium used to greet customers with his steel toe… repeatedly. Then following that he found a golf ball and started throwing it at the podium to bounce it back to him. I finally couldn’t hold it anymore and said WITH A SMILE “com’on don’t do that, there are passengers.” He responded, “this is like a jail I cant do anything!!!” It is this moment when I gave him the F-Turd status. I stopped being as friendly and talked to him less. Then the day finally came, he found a….GOLF CLUB. YEP! He found a golf club, a golf club that a passenger had lost and left behind. Logically (to his foolish mind), he grab it, got everyone’s attention and started… you guessed it: swinging it. Just imagine this, some guy, in a Canada Custom’s hall, a place where they forbid you to talk on your personal phone unless its related to work. A place where you are not allow to bring a plastic bag in. A place where travelers from all over the world are coming in to watch Canada shine. This kid is swinging a freaken golf club. Awesome? Absolutely if he wasn’t my responsibility and he wasn’t at work where he had already gotten in trouble for something less severe. He has now claim the throne, he is the King. He is now gone full retard status. He is now “that” retard that I know. By the way, he really really really smells. Like people don’t want to eat lunch with him cause he smells.

So that’s the story of “THAT” retard I know. Although he may have brought a certain amount of frustration to me, he has set the bar very high for the next candidate. I am both excited and scared when that time comes when he is de-throne by someone else. I wonder, what does one need to do to surpass the almighty the-smelly-kid-that-I-worked-with-for-2-weeks