The Adams Family

Long over due entry I suppose. I finally went and watched Avatar a few weeks back and it was good. However, this entry is not going to be about the movie but the experience I had. I rarely go to movies because I am cheap and you can download anything. On top of that, my computer is connected to my big screen TV so… anyways you get idea, I don’t go to the movies often. Maybe it is because I haven’t been to the movie theater lately that I found this experience so bizarre. Then again, maybe it is just a weird situation.

My girlfriend and I have been trying to watch Avatar for quite sometime. Me being a stubborn jerk refused to believe that even now we need to purchase tickets in advance. So we went to the theater a few times without success and I got a few “I told you so”s (god I hate those). Finally I got our tickets online (and it was actually really easy and convenient) and we decided to show up almost 1 hour early to get a good spot in the theater. Thus begins my surreal experience.

As planned we got there about 45 mins early and got a parking spot right in front of the theater without much trouble. I should have known this night was going to be strange, never once in my life was I able to get such a nice spot without any stressful yelling at strangers to move. We got in, the theater boy scans my online ticket and told us to go ahead to theater 7 and wait in line. I HATE LINES! I can not express how much I hate lines. I am honestly getting angry just thinking and talking about lines right now. They are so stupid and useless (its not really useless, but I am sure there are better ways to get this waiting thing sorted out). Anyways, I HATE LINES. I forgot to mention we were given those 3D glass already. So like a couple mindless sheep my girlfriend and I waited patiently in line. Just ahead of us was a Chinese family of 4. Already frustrated with the line situation, every little thing about them was bugging me and rubbing me the wrong way. The teenage boy of the family (high school maybe college) had stupid “cool” Asian hair cut, long hair and untrimmed sideburns. He bought those dry ice creams and was eating it in the most annoying and unsightly manner. He has the bowl all up in his face and just slurping the crap out of the thing while the spoon that came with the ice cream was rendered completely useless dangling in his pale and skinny arm. I wanted to punch him in the mouth through the bowl of ice cream and have the ice cream explode in his eyes then maybe I will take his spot. The dad of the house was even more strange and out of touch with reality/surroundings. He had long hair tied into a pony tail, wearing a poncho-like shirt, short shorts, runners with no socks while carrying a purse (which I at first assumed was his wife’s but then his wife showed up with her own purse.) He took out the 3D glasses and put it on and proceeded to observe his surroundings which as we all know is in 3D. He then makes a comment to his family stating that the glasses were broken because they are not working. His family didn’t really react to it, as if this was all just another day in The Adam’s Family. The dad continued to wear the glasses and commissioning them while periodically making comments such as “they made a mistake” and “this must be a mistake”.Unreal.

Finally 15 mins before the movie started they let us in. Why couldn’t they have just let us in without the line? Once we got into the movie theater it was a free for all anyways? No one was staying in line or in order. Everyone was rushing in. In fact while The Adams Family was wasting time and space by just standing uselessly, we passed them and started walking up towards where we wanted to sit. As we were walking up the stairs, the son bolts pass my girlfriend nearly knocking her over to take 4 seats that happens to be where we wanted to sit. Sometimes I wish it was socially acceptable to punch people like him in the face, particularly the mouth/nose region and in this case, back of his head. My girlfriend retaliated (she takes shit from no one!) by sitting right next to him breaking up the 4 seats together so they end up having to move and finding another 4 seats all together for their family (yay victory!). I wish I the night in bizarreo world ended here but it doesn’t.

This happens fairly often when you are sitting and packed in – chair kicking. While we were waiting for the movie to start in our seats the two teenage boys beside us were being rowdy and kicked the chairs in front of them with their awkward growing bodies. The Asian lady in front FLIPPED. She turned around and started slapping the back of her chair motioning that they were kicking her chair. At first the kids looked like they were shocked and were going to retaliate but they quickly gave up. Don’t mess with Asian women, you never know what they will do! About midway through the movie, my girlfriend leaned into me and told me the lady behind her keeps kicking her chair. I told her I would take care of it if she does it again. Soon after the lady kicks the chair and even I felt it this time. I took of my 3D-glasses and turned around and said “can you please stop kicking the chair?” I will admit, I may have been overly aggressive and confrontational in my voice (I waited in line ok… I was still kind of pissed off), the girl directly behind me got scared and said in a timid voice that it wasn’t her. I pointed to the culprit who then played dumb and didn’t even acknowledge me. I wasn’t about to let this one go, so I pointed some more and said “ya, I am pointing at you, I am talking to you!” I felt like an asshole, but I felt good. Rest of the movie was pretty uneventful but seeing how much has happened I would say it was quite the experience. Oh yeah, the movie was good.

The movie finished and we were walking out the theater. The movie was revolving around taking care of environment and resources. As we were walking out there are boxes dedicated to throw the 3D glasses in for recycle, of course I put mine in there and so did most people. However a lot of people were just throwing them on the floor as they walked out, the teenage chair kicker was one. I made a comment “we just watched a movie about environment and its preservation and you are doing this shit?” The old guy behind me adds “YOU ARE DISGUSTING!” I thought that was pretty awesome. Finally we are ready to call it a night, but not without The Adam’s Family making one final appearance. The dad kept the glasses on, using them as sunglasses, and walked away proudly. It is now 2am, it was very dark. That was just wrong on so many levels.